Free Press Wings holiday section

I must say that I was amused by the Detroit Free Press Wings holiday section in today’s paper. Pieces included Festivus (Seinfeld holiday) grievances, wish lists, gift ideas for teammates, and Christmas traditions. The Festivus grievances were definitely the funniest and here are some of my favorites:

Gifts for Teammates

Brian Rafalski for former Fighting Irish player Brett Lebda: “I would get Lebs a new football coach at Notre Dame.”

Draper for Kirk Maltby and Pavel Datsyuk: “I would get Malts a Caribou (Coffee) card because he’s a Caribou coffee drinker. Pavel, he’s always looking for bagels in the morning, so I would have to get him an Einstein (Bros. Bagels) gift card.”

Datsyuk for Maltby: “I buy him a Starbucks card, as joke, because I know he likes Caribou.”

Festivus Grievances

Chris Osgood, on Chris Chelios, Tomas Holmstrom and Hudler: “Cheli uses too much self-tanner. Homer uses too many cliches when he talks to reporters. And I really wish Hudler would be an inch taller.”

And because Niklas Kronwall is a BTJ favorite, here were all the sections pertaining to the Swede. They are shown after the jump.

Festivus Grievance

Dan Cleary, on Brett Lebda, Johan Franzen, Mikael Samuelsson, Niklas Kronwall (and, by extension, Jiri Hudler): “I wish Brett Lebda would stop getting his hair permed. It’s unflattering to the eye. I wish Franzen would stop copying my style. He always wears the same clothes as me. I really wish and hope that Sammy will learn the game of hearts, because he makes a lot of bad plays and doesn’t seem to get the game at all. And I would really, really like for Kronner to stop wearing Hudler’s pants. Kronner’s pants are really way too tight.”

Lebda, on Swedes Kronwall and Henrik Zetterberg, whose lockers adjoin his: “I get stuck in the middle of these two all the time, and they always talk in Swedish, and I never know if they’re talking about me or not. It gets to me. It hurts me as a person, deep inside. I think it’s going to be a New Year’s resolution of mine that I’m going to start learning Swedish, and then I’m going to come in and they’re all dead when they start talking in Swedish.”

Kronwall, on Valtteri Filppula and Cleary: “I think Fill should start working a little harder when it comes to our two-touch games after practices. He needs to put more effort into it. Cleary, he can be pretty mean, but he says everything with a glint in his eye.”

And, finally, Kronwall explains that there is one player in the room with whom no one can have a grievance: “No. 5 (Nicklas Lidstrom). I don’t think you can find a more perfect human being. Everything he does is excellent. Is he too perfect? Maybe. But I hope he can stay the way he is.”

Wish List
Niklas Kronwall: “A pair of black dress shoes.”

Christmas Tradition
ANIMATED WATER FOWL
“The TV show Donald Duck, which is on at 2 o’clock in the afternoon on Christmas Eve back home. Donald Duck and his friends celebrate Christmas. It’s about an hour and a half of cartoons. When I think of Christmas, that’s what I think of.”

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Posted in: Wings News | | December 2007

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